Love, honor, and obey?!

1 Cor. 13: 13 - And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

This weekend I went to a wedding, and found myself listening to this contemporary commentary on the Love, honor, and obey part of the ceremony for the woman. I hear it all the time where women want that part changed or taken out. But here is the thing, obey means pay attention to, listen to, or give ear to; there is nothing derogatory about it. The problems lies in what we have made it to mean, not what it truly means. We consider it to be archaic to embrace this phrase but we do not think it is archaic to embrace the idea the man should be the bread winner, or the man should take care of the cars. When you, the woman, could be the better person to do those things for the betterment of the household, and balance of harmony for everyone. Yet, we pick and choose what we will adhere to, and then wonder why things are not going so well with us. Things are not going so well with us because we have this strange addiction to power and control. Power and control are not things you have to prove, they are just there; if you have to prove you have power and control, then you are right you do not have it. One does not have fight to keep what it really theirs; it cannot be taken from you. It has to be given up, and you should not give ‘anything’ to another person who does not have your best at heart, or you have not been directed by God to submit, because ultimately He, the Father, does have your best at heart. So, if you are debating the issue having love, honor, and obey in your vows at the marriage ceremony, I would suggest you take a step back and ask yourself – should I be marrying this person because I am not at a point where I can submit, so I can commit. It states in 1 Corinthians 13 about the greatest of the things pointed out in this chapter, is charity, love. If this is the most important one, then why do we focus on another one, for a point of discussion? For if you love me, are you going to ask me to do something intentionally to hurt me, destroy me, or shame? I think not. I know the argument about women being property, not having rights but that did not matter if your husband loved you, he treated you with the due respect you desire, regardless of the order of the day, and was willing to deal with the ‘peanut gallery remarks’. I also know words matter, more than we think, and if those words do not speak to your love and new covenant relationship, then all means change it. However, the real problem is not the vow itself; it is the power we gave it. We as a society made it an absolute in our lives, for the institution of marriage, when it was really a relative statement, and if we desire to know what an absolute is when it comes to any relationship. We seek the wisdom from the bible, the Father, not man or man’s feelings that are emotional based. We find the inane to debate and focus on while leaving the meat of the matter lingering on the edges, and then we wonder why this is not working as it should. Well, we have the order in reverse, and when the order is wrong until it align correctly, it does not work. The main focus in the marriage is the unconditional love, abiding trust, and the willing submission of both for each other and the good of the union with the Father holding the headship position… Thus, love, honor, and obey, or because you complete me, whether your marriage vow is, as Christian it should be biblically sound, and the Father stated approval so the relationship shall stand the test of living and growing in to the perfect union for the two in the marriage having at the foundation unconditional love…We choose, we decide, we abide.