Well today as I contemplate this scary walk of faith before me, I decided to stand naked and needy before the Father and say ‘Here I am’. Understanding this, my journey, no matter how crazy it seems to me, the process is preparation for my future role. So, I have come to some conclusions as I begin to be comfortable in my own skin and sensibilities. I began thinking, let me be honest, began having trepidation about it. Why? Well, ironically it was not money, it was about who would be there for me. Who would be real with me? Who do I confide in so that I can be feed? Who is not intimidated by who I am and what I do? Yes, people tell you, they will be your accountability partner, life coach really, but when things begin to grow, and you grow, people forget this. See it is very hard to be the ‘get real’ conscience for anyone with certain gifts, status or wealth. No one wants to tell them you bleed just like me, you can be wrong, and you do not get everything you want, your way. To have someone who is not impress with you, and keeps you grounded…this might sound crazy for some people but think about it, or ask any celebrity. Finding a celebrity will be hard for most of us, so I suggest asking your pastor or minister. It becomes quite difficult for them. To find someone who is there for them without malicious intent but allowing heart. See, a few things must happen - 1) The willingness to be open to the person without fear, 2) the person understanding being this person is enduring and hearing information not always pleasant or puts him/her in the not so positive light, and 3) there has to be immutable or incorruptible trust. Believe me there is going to be some heavy lifting on this person part. I know, I have done this and some days I am so overwhelmed I think, I am in a state of depression; and it is not about me…WTH! Is that about?...lol…Think about it, when people are coming to you all the time to get advice, divulge their ugliness, needing to be consoled, wanting to be in your presence because who you are, seeking guidance, etc; draining you. Yeah, you need someone to talk to. But who do you talk to? Your partner gets tired of hearing you, and they should not be the person, you almost need a sponsor like recovering addict has in AA. Because some days, it is just that serious of issue for you, and the person you love cannot bear all that madness; believe me. So, who do you talk to? See, everyone wants the success, the money, fame, status, but no one count the cost of it and what the trade out is…I am scared, and it is not even funny anymore because denying my gifts is not an options for me. So, I am taking toddler steps until I find my balance but hell I am walking in my destiny…Maybe I am the only one with this type of crazy thoughts, or the only one willing to be naked and needy before God and man so that I can move forward…
Then I ran across these verses Isa. 30:20-21 - Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. (NASB)…then warm tears from my heart rolled down my cheeks, and I realize my Father would provide for me, if I am open to him and His way..This is not easy, but it is the blessed way…You just have to believe without reservation, and trust the truth you speak into others lives..So, ask yourself were you born for such a time as this to be honest and willing spirit for God…
No comments:
Post a Comment