Expectations

It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. Proverbs 19:2

My two cent. - As we approach the Christmas activities, beyond the gift buying and the present exchange  but the engaging in communications and hosting of family. I thought, I should speak about our expectations of one another. Expectations are not the devil, the evil one, or some mischievous sprite in our life. The issue is our motives, intentions, objectives, or reason for the expectations; we impose on one another because of selfishness. If most of us were honest with our self, many of our expectations for others are based on our desires, wishes, emotions; our would have should have dreams; societal norms; traditions, and yes, fears. These all serve to keep us at odds, fighting, not talking to one another, and keeping secrets. Keeping us tensed, estranged, separate; from many who we say we love, and wish the best for in life. Love draws, and wishing the best inspires us. Too many times, what we are doing with our expectations create the great divide.  We say, we do it for their own good; but it’s really us not wanting to deal with what accompanies the exchange. Yet, we know avoidance and ignoring does not help anything, it only makes it more difficult to communicate, and sometimes unnecessarily so; but  we do it anyway….Revealing is healing… For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge -Romans 10:2…Let us do, hold expectations based on the knowledge of God’s truth, not man contrive truth, on what is integrible, not my idea.

Expectations are great as long as they are not use to create madness, unnecessary conflict, or to make others feel they have to hide their truth because of condemnation. No one likes those types of expectations because they create an atmosphere of a disruptive nature, not one of loved. See pressuring someone to do or act according to the book of right written, edited, and published by some invisible ‘right thing to do group’, does not make it right, or correct but it does segregate us. Eric Hoffer had it right when he stated - Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind…We cannot control others but we can choose to not be negative or remind in a negative place.

I don’t think, I have it all right but I have lived long enough to know as we prepare for the family gatherings - some by blood, marriage, or love - we need to be free and forgiven to really embrace the reason for the season. We spend our money of the Ma’dear movies, spend our time watching TBN, Dr. Phil and Oprah shows and learn all these great things. My question - When are we going incorporate them into our lives? I believe we would do well to step back before the liquor is flowing, the words are exchanged, and we talk ourselves into turmoil of madness. Because nothing hidden can be helped, nothing kept in secret can be changed or accepted; nothing assumed can be clarified unless asked about, and nothing sought after or infused with hurt will create love, only more hurt…Our choice…choose well it is important.  

Hazing

This is my soapbox today, and some will get very upset with me but this is my conviction. After hearing and seeing Anderson Cooper 360 report, and learning of another death and beating. I work in institution of higher learning and hazing at all levels is alive and well. I have to agree with journalist Roland Martin, hazing is about culture, and it is not a black thing. It is a cultural thing for all of Americans. We all have a proclivity, penchant, inclination, affinity to hazing; yet we declassify it as hazing because it did ‘hurt’ anyone. People please, we need to think we went from teasing to bullying, from a school yard fight to beat downs at school. Do not see the natural progressive of depravity we have create with our silence, and you are worst than mind argument; it is all wrong. Let us start there, and work our way from this place.  

We believe, it is ingrained in our psyche, you must endure something to get anything, true but intentional intimidation, brutality and shame; Really?! I went through to get to, then you must do as well. The irony is this, those who went through it, the hazing whether it was subtle, harassment, or violent, did not like going through it. Yet, we are willing to put others through it because we seem to think it is what makes him or her a ‘real’ member, or you have to pay your dues and that is part of it. I get the, you have work yourself up because of the necessity of understanding, but what I don’t get and will never get is this. This psychological bent where a group must embarrass, intimidate, or hit someone who is seeking to become a part of an organization. Citing or stating it is an activity(s) which make those who seeking to become a member closer because it is a bonding experience, or lets you know how bad you want it, or you understand the importance of what it takes to really be a member of our elite group. But forgive me, if I am confused because I thought the goal is to do better in our efforts, to make it better those coming behind us, and looking toward us for guidance. I am in the minority here, I see.

We berate, question, become anger, if someone misses a step, I had to go through; question -how many of us would really like to endure some of the things our forefather and mothers, of all races and persuasion, went through to ensure we have a leg up, easier transition, less struggle, etc? Isn’t this the reason for us to improve things for self, but also for others to enjoy…how would you like to go back to no cell phones, ipads, computer, planes, trains, interracial marriages, female minister, being put in jail because of your sexual orientation, I could go on but I think we all get the picture… Yet we create a society that endorses, encourages it, and then stands back going tsk-tsk these kids today. WTF!!?? We wrote the book, hand it off to the next generation, and told them to add their chapter. So, with a word of don’t and laws of shouldn’t, we also include a wink and a smile giving the green light to continue with business as usual. However, we never begrudge or belabor the point of clarity or point of order if we are given an opportunity to move beyond the requirements, and we bask in the awareness, Look at my good fortune! What a lucky break! God is good! What a blessing!, then we turn around endorse for others go through the path you didn’t. God forbid.

At some point we must be the change we wish to see, because laws and policies governed but they do not control, without the people endorsement and following them, they have no value. We give the laws and policies power to control, not vice-versa. Any questions, look in the history books of our country, or the bible, it is all in there. Hazing is a cultural issue we all must all own, all work to change, and

I will close with this, all who say we are Christians, we should know this better than anyone. Jesus came so that we can have life more abundantly, and endured our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities. How long will we know right, understand right, but fail to do right because we fail to really grasped the end product, the influence and the impact of our behavior of those coming after us, those looking to us for guidance, or those who are contemporary for us…just because you were not in the car wreck with a sever leg, it does not mean it does impact you? It is your choice, change starts with each us… Zec. 4:10 -Who dares despise the day of small things, since the seven eyes of the LORD that range throughout the earth will rejoice when they see the chosen capstone in the hand of Zerubbabel?” (NIV).

Double-mindedness

James 1:5-8 -If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
We don’t do not because we don t want to hurt, we don’t want to deal with the emotion, the drama, the baggage that comes with it. But it is really because it protects us from the madness and dealing with our own emotions, we don’t want to address. Yet, we wonder why am I still anger, fearful, hurt, or frustrated. We get life mixed up, thus we are double-minded, unsteady in our doing, and are carried away by the new trend or popular group. What is the formula? In Jay McGraw’s book for teens puts its well - BE-DO-HAVE - done, and done. This is stems from the fact, we have let our growth - educationally, intellectually, spiritually or economically  - create in us this mindset, an old adage from my childhood - we are so heavenly bound, we are no earthly good. Mark Twain puts it this way - I never let my schooling getting the way of my education. See there are teachers, lessons, and change agent information surrounding us. However, we shall not see it, or are able to grasp it because we are double-minded. We are unwilling to do the work that helps us to be, we are afraid to do what is needed, and we end up not having what we say, we seek. See the only constant in life, truly and without a doubt, is change.
Double-mindedness results because we are restricted by our limits and construct set by self and society; not of God but of man. Who are we serving; it is becoming clear why we are so full with doubts. I do believe; we can’t serve two masters. See God loves us enough to give us freewill, without ‘told you so’ haunting us; man, not so much…. We do the work of God, yes, but is it the will of God for us to do. Should we really be doing a different work, but we chose this work because it is a part of His will, but it is not the work He has assigned to our hands. How many times have you, me, or us as Christians done this very thing and then, wonder why do I walk away empty, lost, confused, still upset but do not stop going on this path because it is in the work of God, but it is not His will for us to do that work.  It is not the landscape that must change for us, it is us, so we can ‘see’. Otherwise, when we move to different a landscape, how we  see things will be the same no matter where we are, or situation we find ourself in; it is out of kilter for us because our mind is.
Double-mindedness is not an accident for us, it a choice; it always comes back to choices.  If we desire different results, we must take different actions. We can only take different actions when we truly have this infused in our souls, heart, and mind - all things work together for the good, even when we do not see it, understand, or feel it. God is working it out for our good; the good, the bad, the difficult, the easy, the embarrassment, just stand and be blessed by the one who never throws you away. Who loves you enough to let you have freewill to express yourself, and reconciles you to him with Love unconditional. It is incredibly difficult to do with a double-mind. Double-mindedness is the result of fear which was never supposed to stop us, only a way of telling us, we are going into the unknown, and faith and prayer are required for the trip for guidance.
Please don’t get it twisted, I do not have it all figured out but I am getting it right; one step at a time. So, can you. Its important, its wise, and its blesses…know the right thing to do, and doing it is difficult; but so was walking on the water but Peter did it because he didn’t walk alone….wink