As I begin this journey of accepting, negotiating, and living this call upon my life. I am frighten, as I wonder how I can escape or minimize the pitfalls that reside in this walk of faith. Where the temptation of pleasing others sits in the shadow waiting for a window weakness to enter. Not being able to escape the fear of the many voices in my ear trying to influence directions, and pull me from my path. When the singular voice of God is what started me on the journey but that same voice is being drown out by the chaos surrounding me. It is overwhelming to me as I sit in the cool of the night, soaking in all that has transpired for me, and warm tears appear; I do not know what to do but stand. I close my eyes praying, am I strong enough in my faith, and gracious enough in my demeanor to not offend others who mean well but never stop to ask me any questions, only assume they know what is needed to be imparted. I am lost in the emotions as the many hands and spirits touched me, while some blessed me, others drained me...I continue to remember - We must learn to understand before trying to be understood. I wonder, what joke God was playing with me, and when is the game over; but that is a fantasy. Reality is here with me struggling to breathe in right because I know this too shall pass, the moment will be over, and I will rise like the phoenix, if I do not get lost in this momentary madness trying to engulf me.
In the deepest recesses of my soul, I know God just wants me to be authentic and truthful in my faith, no matter what, and even if no one follows with me. No one believes in the truth I see, and know in my heart. Yet, I cannot stop my mind from running in circles seeking balance because this is all so new to me. Then I decided, I should seek the lessons, and own the teachable moments; live, learn, not dwell because it is the journey that matters not the event...We all should...
See, we should not forget it is never just about us but for us to share what it is within us. To be the patience listener, who is in the moment, to be the apt students who learns and become the teacher, while seeing the unseen and the seen with our soul and eyes. Being flexible enough to embrace another's truth, without losing our deepest spiritual conviction, or uniformly impressing our perspective upon the unsuspecting soul. We only draw when we remember it is not about me. Although It is unnatural and unpopular, it allows the cream to rise to the top and peace to take resident in our lives. We choose...
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