We all have struggles; no matter the strong discipline, successful, and spiritual person outwardly shown, and it matters who is in your inner circle….The difference in most is not that they do not have struggles, but how they manage them. For me, my struggle is about the call upon my life. It also frightens me knowing,, and not knowing whether or not I will stay sane and get caught up in depression, or get the big head and forget my focus, purpose . I cannot speak for anyone else, but the call, gift upon my life is ever-present, pressing upon my soul, resting upon my heart, plaguing my mind, and even when I tried to hide it, it rears its head unabashed and strong – saying I am here. Admitting to myself, it was not anything new, and it has always been with me, shook me at my very core and tears flow like a babbling brook without an off switch. Yet, I realized God favored me, even when I did not owned it, it owned me and HE kept me. So, I decided to fall into my destiny, embrace it, and let it live as is. I have learned what life could not teach, and what parents was afraid to tell, time will, if you are truly seeking… I do not have to tell anyone what it is, or answer questions about it, it arrives and people accept it because it is genuine; no fabrication or façade. Then, I found people select themselves in or out of my life as a result of it. I cannot say this is always easy because it reaches all aspects of my life (family, friends, loved one, mentors, co-workers, no one is exempt) who leave or disconnect themselves from me. I have cried a many tears wondering if I did something that was an affront and disrespectful to them; then I realize there is no compromise when to come to being in your truth but you must do so with humility, grace, unmerit favor, and forgiveness. However, I have found more peace once I refuse to hide what is within me. The truth of my destiny own, and it seemed my whole life exhale; and it was good. Living my truth grants me less struggle, and authentic peace. I am now able to love more openly, earnestly, and bend but not break. Those who love me, love me as me. They see me, as me and know my disposition, personality are innate traits that are true to me, not one of the many sides of me. I am shown, I see, and I know what Solomon meant with this verse Ecc. 1:18 ~ For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow. (AKJV)~ I just have to remember a balance is needed to keep me focus, and His grace is sufficient for me, when I am weak, He is strong.
But more importantly, I no longer struggle to be the person, the role model and/or the leader others are expecting me to be. I stop living in the shadows of my true self, and realize my deepest fear was, not any more, I am powerful beyond reasonable and logical measure. For I have seen what happens when I am shining, or drowning in my darkness, and it is a stark difference, I see the former when I live in my truth. And yes, Virginia, we are all meant to shine in some way, and no one should be counted out just because they are different. Like a team is made up of different positions, and they all must work their position for the team to achieve, thus we should not count anyone out. We all matter!
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